Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize