I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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