apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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