Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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