have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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