"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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