omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize