whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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