I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize