oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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