I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize