then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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