She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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