My friends, they love my intelligence
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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