you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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