I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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