forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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