I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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