Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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