The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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