what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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