the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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