she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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