She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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