I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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