guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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