I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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