Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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