The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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