My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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