Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to align my fucking chakras
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize