I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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