i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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