Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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