you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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