Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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