Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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