god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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