Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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