I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize