i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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