For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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