I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize