He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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