I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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