new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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