OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize