What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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