you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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