CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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